


L.A.B.A.T.Y.D. (Supervillains Excluded)

by unadrift



Series: SGA Season Five Tags [13]
Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Angst, Episode Related, Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-11-29
Updated: 2009-11-29
Packaged: 2017-10-03 23:43:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 815
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23606
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unadrift/pseuds/unadrift
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Don't tell me," Rodney says when John sits down at the table opposite him. "You didn't find anything."</p>
            </blockquote>





	L.A.B.A.T.Y.D. (Supervillains Excluded)

**Author's Note:**

> Tag for _The Prodigal_, beta'd by tacittype.

"Don't tell me," Rodney says when John sits down at the table opposite him. "You didn't find anything."

John ignores him and starts eating his red jello in silence.

"Well?" Rodney says after a moment, gesturing impatiently. "Go ahead?"

Swallowing, John looks up. "You said not to tell."

Rodney rolls his eyes. "Oh, you're in one of _those_ moods."

"I'm not in a _mood_." John pauses and reconsiders. "Okay, so maybe I am. A little. You're right. We didn't find the body."

"But-- You did see him fall, right? From the tower? All the way down?"

"Yes, Rodney. Teyla and I both did."

"Oh," Rodney says and snaps his fingers. It's the _'I've just figured something out, and it's really bad news'_ snapping of fingers, not the good kind where he repeats the motion rapidly a few times. "What if he had an anti-gravity belt? The fall was really deep. He could have activated it just before he hit the ground."

John puts down his spoon. "Rodney. In all our time in the Pegasus galaxy, have we ever encountered a thing such as an anti-gravity belt?"

"Well, no. But that doesn't mean--"

"Just cut it out, Rodney."

"But if there isn't a body, if you couldn't find it after a four hour jumper search-- Hold on. Did you use the sensors?"

"Of course not," John answers sarcastically. "Zelenka got out his divining rod after the thing with the pendulum didn't lead to any results."

Rodney crinkles his nose. "Now, that is an image that I just didn't need. Thanks a lot."

"Er, Rodney?"

"What? It was you who used phallic symbolism," Rodney says defensively. "I merely happen to have a very active imagination."

"Uh-huh."

"I do."

"I believe you. And it's not your fault where this imagination of yours takes you."

"Exactly!" Rodney agrees enthusiastically, pointing a finger at John. Then his expression falters. "Oh, I get it. You're mocking me."

John grins. "Only a little."

"Fine, whatever. Let me drink my coffee in peace now."

"Okay," John says, shrugging, and returns his – not quite undivided – attention to his jello.

The deepening frown on Rodney's face tells John that there's something brewing in his over-sized brain. Sure enough, it pours out of Rodney sooner rather than later. "This is just so typical! Did you take a moment to appreciate how typical this is? Really, does he _have_ to play poster boy for the classic supervillain?" Rodney complains.  
John shushes him. "Don't say it out loud. Don't jinx us. We'll only get Michael back scarred and mutilated and meaner than before." Shockingly, he's only half-kidding.

"You know," Rodney says thoughtfully, "I don't think anyone would notice the difference."

John considers this. "You've got a point there." He bats Rodney's hand away from his jello. "Get your own."

"I can't be bothered. The counter is all over _there_." Rodney sighs mournfully, as if the journey would involve climbing mountains, crossing deadly swamps, and dropping off a ring in Mordor.

"I can't be bothered to share," John informs him and demonstratively shovels a spoonful of jello into his mouth.

"If I didn't know better I'd think you were an only child," Rodney gripes.

"Because, naturally, you loved to share everything with Jeannie," John retorts and manages to sound completely serious.

"Yes, of course I-- Well, not when it came to-- Actually, no, I hated it whenever I had to-- You know what? Never mind." Rodney picks up his coffee, glaring. "I always liked the blue flavor better."

"Isn't that Sam's favorite?" John asks, because he knows it will make Rodney sputter. "And what kind of flavor is the blue stuff, anyway? Squashed smurf?"

Rodney glares even harder. One day John will let Rodney in on the secret that glaring this hard just makes him look stupid.

"Another lovely image for my collection," Rodney says snidely. "Thank you so much for that."

"My pleasure," John answers with a grin.

In the end, the jello ends up in Rodney's possession after all. John hadn't expected him to make that quick a grab for it. While Rodney is busy polishing it off, John steals his coffee, because fair's fair.  
They both linger, Rodney drawing random patterns on the table with his finger, and John watching Rodney draw random patterns on the table.

"He's not going to come back, right?" Rodney finally asks, looking earnest and uncertain.

"Not this time," John says. He wishes he could be as convinced of it as he sounds. "Michael is dead. We won't see him again."

Rodney nods slowly. "Well, there's always vivid hallucination," he suggests, as if it's a really useful idea. "Nothing quite like it to be haunted by your dead enemies."

"No, thanks." John kind of likes his dead enemies to stay dead.

  
* * *

And in case you didn't know:  
L.A.B.A.T.Y.D. = Life's A Bitch And Then You Die


End file.
